Tag Archives: artist

Afraid of the Dark

“They were upset.”

“Who?”

“Them.”

I don’t remember upsetting anyone. I would have noticed, you see, because that’s my fear. When you have a beautiful scarred body and you know why you cut yourself; the thought that others may follow the same path is abhorrent.

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A long time ago I decided the best way to protect other people would be to acknowledge my scars. It’s not like they’re fresh wounds: they’re scars. And they tell a story which does me proud.

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Bright sunlight casts strong shadows.

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I don’t think they were hurt by what I’ve done.

I don’t think you can protect people by hiding the truth from them. I think you protect people by telling the truth: switching on the light. They can see for themselves there is nothing to fear.

I’m not afraid of the dark.

 

Sunrise

I was so young when I saw the sunrise.

I remember I had a crush on a boy named Stephen at school. I forget his surname. I was seven. I was in year two.

Our family had gone on holidays to the beach and I’d written a love letter to him which I was planning to give him when school went back. I remember fighting with myself, over nerves, trying to work up the courage to tell him I liked him. Only that week at the bus stop he’d asked me if I had a crush on anyone and I admitted that I did, except I didn’t have the guts to say that it was him!!

I’d slept badly the night before I woke up early. We’d arrived at Terrigal Beach late in the evening and there hadn’t been enough sheets to make up beds, and so I had slept in a short-sheeted bed and I’d thrashed about and been my grizzly best.

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I don’t know what woke me and drew me to the window and called me to look out. Maybe it was the sound of the ocean waves crashing on the shore. Maybe it was the cry of an early bird.

I’ll never forget the wonder as I stood before the splendour.

I haven’t a photographic memory and I can’t bring to recollection the sight that spread before my eyes. I recall my thoughts though.

No matter what.

I considered myself endowed with purpose to share the sunlight.

My first Job

A long time ago I got a job mowing lawns.

It wasn’t my first ever job. It was my first job since my breakdown three years ago.

I had been living with my parents for a few months, when I had been at my worst, then I found a place and was paying my way and driving and determined to find work locally.

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I likened recovery with choosing to push a heavy boulder up a hill. I had accepted the challenge and knew I mustn’t let the boulder go, not for anything, lest it roll all the way back to the bottom.

My task is to reach the top of the mountain and to push the boulder over the other side – so it can roll to where it will.

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I couldn’t afford to replace my car after it broke down, and lost my job.

I moved residence to my next job where I worked as a stablehand at a boutique horse stud and lived in a room with no furniture.

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The isolation made me wilder.

One toe out of the Halfworld…..

It’s nearly here. The moment when I kiss goodbye to my days of anonymity and go live. I already have a reputation among my family and friends for transparency and it aint gonna stop now.

Will the stage grow? It had bloody better.

I was drawing this morning and watching Soul Surfer at the same time. I was drawing a white horse, I’m leaving the white bits white but anywhere there is a shadow, I am filling with glorious colour. I realised that purple, light purple, right next to white is the ideal shadow to make white glow the brightest. This is because purple sits opposite yellow on the colour wheel. There is no white on the colour wheel. If you SPIN the wheel it makes white.

…click on this image to see more on facebook x

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I love Soul Surfer, I’ve watched it SO many times I can’t bear to watch it any more unless I’m doing something else at the same time. Soul Surfer helps me want to try.

Like I said, my time is coming to go live. Time to drag the Halfworld with me into the real world, if I can.

Right now I only know how to be one place or the other.

C'mon in